Everybody has the freedom of choices to act or to react to anything and everything that happens in daily life and living. But that "freedom" may come with a bondage to many problems while growing up, becoming an adult, and turning into a senior.
Sunday, June 30, 2024
Life Purpose
Saturday, June 29, 2024
Why Angry With Parents
Conflicts and misinterpretations often lead to anger with parents, resulting in the development of future relationships with a lack of love and trust. Conflicts with biological parents, stepparents, foster and adoptive parents may vary in intensity, and even change drastically due to the separation and divorce of parents. In addition, bad parental relationships may worsen due to the following:
·
The birth of a new baby
demanding more parental attention.
·
Financial problems, such
as unemployment.
·
Development of anxiety
and depression in both parents and children.
·
Experiences of abuse and
bullying at home, at school or elsewhere.
·
Drug and alcohol use.
Children, while growing up into preteens and teenagers, often become more
independent and more responsible, with their own perspectives and preferences
in every aspect of their lives. Their mental and emotional changes are the
foundations of their disagreements with their parents, including their time
management, their doings, and non-doings, as well as their obedience and
disobedience to their parents’ demands.
Irrational anger
On November 21, 2022, a 10-year-old boy shot and killed his mother
by mistake. He allegedly claimed he took the
gun from his mother’s bedroom down to the basement, where his mother was doing
her laundry. The boy initially claimed that he was twirling the gun around his
fingers when it went off and “accidentally” killed his mother.
But, according to The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the boy later confessed that he
carried out the heinous act out of his anger after his mother refused to
buy him a VR headset. Members of his family further revealed the 10-year-old
boy’s many previous episodes of erratic anger and rage issues, such as setting
fire at home and causing explosion when his demands were rejected by his
mother.
Even while being interrogated by the FBI,
the boy surprisingly asked if the VR headset that he ordered from Amazon the
day after killing his mother had arrived or not.
The Bottom Line
So, as a parent, you need to improve your
relationships with your children by doing the following:
·
Spending more quality
time with more one-on-one interactions with your children as they grow up.
·
Finding the right time
to address any issue, instead of responding to it right away.
·
Listening to complaints
without any interruption.
·
Acknowledging their
needs and wants, and explaining to them the differences between needs and
wants.
·
Connecting or
reconnecting them with warmth, such as hugging.
·
Being willing and open
to any compromise.
·
Teaching them about
love, compassion, forgiveness, and empathy.
·
Helping them set their
own life goals, and not what you want them to do.
Angry No More: A new book on how to control and eradicate your anger.
Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
Friday, June 28, 2024
Overcome Negative Emotions
OVERCOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Anxiety,
fear, fright, and worry are all negative emotions that are the underlying
causes of depression.
All negative emotions, in
excess, may lead to depression. For example, if people over praise you, your
ego may become inflated; and you may then subconsciously develop fear—fear of not getting more praise, or fear of not
living up to the praise. Conversely, if people criticize you, you
may also develop distress to overcome the disgrace from the criticism.
Of all
human emotions, worry is perhaps the least useful and serves
no purpose at all, except causing unnecessary anxiety and developing a
depressive mood. The problem with worry is that it focuses on an imaginary
future.
According
to Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese sage, who was the author of the
famous Tao Te Ching, the ancient classic on human wisdom,
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
Seeking
success and avoiding failure are no more than pride and fear; they are only
expressions of the human conditions erroneously perceived by the human mind.
“Success
is avoiding failure; avoiding failure is seeking success.
Both
originate from fear and pride: the source of human suffering.”
(Lao
Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 13)
According
to Tao wisdom, everything follows the natural order of things; that is,
everything is in its proper place and will work out the way it is supposed to
work out, irrespective of your worrying and regardless of your deliberate
interference to make things happen the way you want them to happen.
Remember,
worrying will never change the outcome. According to Lao Tzu, if you water your
dreams with worry and fear, you will produce weeds; if you water your dreams
with optimism and solutions, you will cultivate growth and success. Remember,
you manifest not what you want but what you are and what you think.
Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
Thursday, June 27, 2024
The Contrived and the Natural
THE CONTRIVED AND THE NATURAL
“The Creator has no wish to be powerful; and thus he is truly powerful. The ordinary man craves to be powerful; and thus he never has enough power.
The Creator does nothing, yet nothing is left undone.
The ordinary man is always doing things,
yet there are always many more to be done.
With the grace of the Creator, we experience natural goodness.
Natural goodness requires no effort, no
expectation of reward or recognition.
Contrived goodness requires great
effort, with little or no accomplishment.
Compassion and loving-kindness seek
nothing in return.
Fairness and justice demand results,
with expectation of correct behavior.
Natural goodness comes from within,
which is our essence, and not from without, which is only our appearance.
When we are separate from our true nature, we experience no natural goodness, no compassion and no loving-kindness.
Our goodness then becomes contrived,
demanding fairness and justice, focusing on appearance and superficiality.”
(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 38)
Control and manipulation, fairness and justice, prestige and power, reward and recognition—they may all distort your perception of the realities of all things. They may seem to be what they are not.
So, do not seek them.
Being your true nature, you may see things as what they really are, and not as what you wish they were or should be.
FREEDOM with BONDAGE shows you how you can have your "freedom" and not your "bondage" to live according to your true nature.Stephen Lau
Attachments in Life
ATTACHMENTS IN LIFE
We all have
attachments in life. Letting go is the readiness and willingness to let go of
all attachments in life. The following are some of the most common attachments:
Attachment
to the ego-self
Attachment to
the ego-self is the most difficult to let go of, given that conventional wisdom
focuses so much on “self,” such as the emphasis on the importance of
“self-esteem,” that we become not only “self-conscious” but also
“self-centered.”
Attachment
to material things
The mind identifies
with material possessions to create the ego-self. Many of us identify ourselves
with a certain social status when we belong to a certain social group or drive
a certain luxury car.
Thinking
questions
Why am I
driving a Mercedes?
Is it really
better than a
Attachment
to time
Many of us
think that time is precious, and wish that we had more than 24 hours a day. We
no longer have the time to appreciate the beauty of nature, because we have
become overwhelmed by our daily problems and the time needed to solve them.
Indeed, many of us are forever time-stressed.
Attachment to
time means the reluctance to live in the present moment. Unfortunately, the
present moment is the only reality in life, and the only moment during which
one can objectively validate past thoughts and future projections that
continuously filter through the subconscious mind, enticing it to form
identities—which become the components of the ego-self.
According to
the wisdom of the TAO, attachments are the sources of human pain and suffering.
“Fame or self: Which matters more?
Self or wealth: Which is more precious?
Gain or loss: Which is more painful?
He who is attached to things will suffer
much.
He who saves will suffer heavy loss.
A contented man is never disappointed.
He who knows when to stop does not find
himself in trouble.
He will stay forever safe.”
(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching,
Chapter 44)
Attachments to
the material world are the sources of human miseries and unhappiness, because
they seldom become realities and they generate only desire and control that
ultimately create a vicious circle of miseries and unhappiness.
FREEDOM with BONDAGE shows you how you can have your "freedom" and not your "bondage" to live according to your needs and not your wants, which often become your attachments.
Stephen
Lau
Wednesday, June 26, 2024
Freedom of Gratitude
FREEDOM OF GRATITUDE
Reconnect your
soul or spirit to gratitude. If you are grateful to the Creator for what you
have, you may look at the behavior of another individual with more tolerance,
or even with a totally different perspective.
Blessings in life,
such as the gift of life, are generally overlooked or even taken for granted.
For example, if someone takes advantage of you, do not become angry
immediately; instead, be grateful that you are the victim instead of being the
person who victimizes others.
Gratitude
enables you to develop the mindset for a positive outlook toward your soul.
Smile more often. Keep complaints about people, things, and life in general
only to yourself—unless voicing them will help bring about positive
changes in others or in society.
Gratitude helps
you see the good in others, letting you give them the benefit of the doubt. Try
to remember that all people are created in the image of God. Focus on the
individual as a person, rather than on the behavior or belief of that individual,
which may not be appealing or pleasing to you.
Always be
grateful that you have been given the opportunity to become either a teacher or
a student in whatever circumstance you may find yourself in, and turn it into a
miracle of life.
An
illustration
At the end of 2007, John
Kralik, an attorney who owned a law firm, experienced debts and disasters
in both his life and career.
One day, after a walk in the
mountains, Kralik became enlightened: as his 2008 New Year’s resolution, he
decided to write a thank-you note a day for the
rest of the year to everyone he knew.
Kralik’s 2008 “gratitude
project” had changed his life completely. Instead of his feeling of
discontent regarding his lack, and his envy of those who had what he did not
have, he had learned to be grateful for his law firm, his
practice, his friends, and his family, despite the many disasters and drawbacks
he had previously experienced. Kralik’s gratitude began to change every aspect
of his life. His relationships with his family, his friends, and his staff
improved significantly; his law firm avoided bankruptcy, and turned around
completely.
Gratitude is something that you get
more only by giving it away more. Expression of gratitude generates happiness
that overcomes the unhappy feelings of lack.
Are you
grateful for what you have, and not getting what you rightly deserve?
You have your "freedom" to choose your gratitude instead of your complaint of lack.
FREEDOM with BONDAGE shows you how you can have your "freedom" and not your "bondage" if you follow the Holy Spirit, who is your Helper in your everyday choices and decisions.
Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen LauTuesday, June 25, 2024
The TAO of Living Longer
THE TAO OF LIVING LONGER
The
word “TAO” in Chinese originally meant “road.” Later, it came to mean “way” and
hence “The Way.” The TAO is “The Way” of looking at the world with a certain
attitude of mind, which is totally different from that of the West, and that is
why it is so intriguing and fascinating, as evidenced by the fact that Tao
Te Ching, the book of the TAO by Lao Tzu, is one of the most
translated books in the world. The wisdom of the TAO has to be self-intuited,
rather than explained in words.
Given that the TAO has to be self-intuited, the TAO is uniquely
personal and subjective: what is the TAO to you may not be the TAO to others;
just as the saying goes, “one man’s meat is another man’s poison.”
You need the TAO to provide you with some self-awakening
inspiration for your self-reflection and self-discovery on the rest of your
life journey; without that self-intuition, you may continue to exist for other
people, and not for yourself. Now is the time to start putting yourself on the
right path with the right mindset toward awakening your TAO of living longer.
It is your thinking mind that may make you live
longer. Continue and go through the rest of your life journey with
self-awakening to the realities of your true self, of others around you, and of
the world you are living in. Look at anything and everything through the lens
of the TAO.
According to the TAO, the end of anything is
always the beginning of something else; the material world you are living in is
forever filled with these cycles of beginnings and endings. Get the profound
wisdom to intuit these cycles of balance and harmony so that you may continue
the rest of your life journey and live as if everything is a miracle.
FREEDOM with BONDAGE shows you how you can have your "freedom" and not your "bondage" to live longer. Yes, you have your freedom of choices and decisions to live to 100 and beyond.
Stephen Lau
Why "Prayers Not Answered"?
Monday, June 24, 2024
Dealing with Grief
DEALING WITH GRIEF
1) Denial
In the first of the five stages of grief, we deny that our loved ones are gone. Soon after the death of our friend, our grieving takes the form of refusing to believe that our friend is actually dead. We use denial as a defense mechanism, defending ourselves from the change that death and bereavement represents. In the first of the stages of grief, we try to escape the reality of our friend’s death. This is the mind's way of shielding us from the other painful emotions associated with grief.
2) Anger
In this stage, we are filled with anger over the death of our loved ones. Part of the steps of grief is searching for the source of our grief. We look for a cause to this tragedy, and we look for who or what is to blame. All of the books on grief and grieving cannot answer the nagging question: “Why me?” We cope with grief by blaming ourselves or others for the loss of our friend.
3) Bargaining
In the third of the grief stages, we try to bargain with God or with a higher power about reversing what has happened to us. We beg God (or fate) for second chances, using "What if?" and "If only" sort of pleas. Perhaps if I choose to devote my life to charitable causes, God will somehow undo the death of my loved one. The steps of grief have a way of driving people to ask the big questions in life; that happens during the bargaining stage of grieving. And that's where followme.org comes in: we hope to provide a safe place as you answer the difficult questions that your grief raises. Find out more below.
4) Depression
In this step, we feel the tremendous weight of our loved one’s death. We continue our bereavement by sinking into depression and the realization that our friend is really gone. During the fourth of the stages in grief, sadness, regret, fear, and sorrow well up in us. This stage is the darkest of the five stages of grief.
5) Acceptance
In this step, we finally begin to come to terms with the death of our friend. At the last of the stages of grief, we become aware that it’s going to be OK, that we will survive the loss of our loved one. In this phase of grieving, comfort sets in, and we realize that life will go on.
Finally, it’s important to note that a mourner may go through these stages in a different order, return to a given stage, and stay in a stage for a long time. These grief stages are a guide—not a rule. They encapsulate most of the broad emotions that a person goes through after a loss.
FREEDOM with BONDAGE shows you how you can have your "freedom" and not your "bondage" if you follow the Holy Spirit, who is your Helper in dealing with your everyday challenges and problems.
Stephen Lau
Sunday, June 23, 2024
Happiness Personality
HAPPINESS PERSONALITY
Holistic wellness of the body, the mind, and the soul has much to do with happiness, which has its origin from personality development over the years.
Sometimes we wonder why some people are always happy while others are always unhappy. Just as Leo Tolstoy, the famous Russian author, said in the beginning of his novel Anna Karenina: “Happy families are alike; unhappy families are unhappy in their own ways.”
Indeed, your happiness has much to do with your personality development over your life. In other words, your own life experiences and your perceptions of those experiences not only define and shape your personality but also are uniquely yours. Therefore, it is impossible to say why some people are happy, and why others are unhappy.
Mental happiness and body wellness are interrelated. If you are happy, your body will even heal faster. It’s just that simple.
But happiness is not easy to come by, especially when your mind is not prepared to receive it. The mind needs wisdom to create happiness thoughts to stimulate the brain cells to produce chemicals that make one happy. Genuine human happiness comes from human thoughts that are the components of human personality. Therefore, understanding personality development may throw some light on why you are happy or unhappy.
But understanding personality development may throw some light on why you are happy or unhappy most of the time.
According to the famous psychologist Erik Erikson, your personality has evolved through several decades of changes and experiences, resulting in who and what you have now become. Therefore, profound human wisdom is to understand how those changes in your life have occurred and shaped your personality, and how adapting yourself to those changes now may still benefit you in the long run. According to Erik Erikson, there are eight life stages. through which we may have gone through to become who and what we are right now. These eight psychosocial development stages are as follows:
Trust and Mistrust
In this first stage, from birth to age one, we may experience and develop trust or mistrust that affects how we feel about the benevolence of the world around us.
Do you always have low trust or mistrust in others?
In the toddler stage, we begin to develop our self-trust, which leads to independence. With self-trust, we begin to learn how to walk. In this stage, however, we may also develop self-doubt that leads to shame later in life. This may be the underlying cause of failing to take risks in later life, missing some golden opportunities to improve our lives, and thus making us feel unhappy and unfulfilled.
Are you always self-confident?
Creativity and Guilt
In preschool years, we begin to exercise our minds to acquire initiative and express creativity. The capability to express freely our initiative and creativity helps us develop the playful and positive side of our nature. Under restraint, on the other hand, we may develop guilt, lack of self-confidence, and inability to get close to others.
Are you always creative and imaginative?
Industry and Inferiority
From age five to eleven, we experience fulfillment in accomplishment or disappointment in failure. This is often a result of acquiring our society’s work ethics. We begin to believe in our abilities and feel motivated to work hard. On the other hand, if we become lazy, we develop poor work habits that may adversely affect our careers later in life.
Are you always puttering from one job to another, always procrastinating and never meeting deadlines?
Identity and Diffusion
In adolescent, we begin to explore ourselves, finding out who we are and what we want out of life. We may channel our energy into a field we love, and derive pleasure from seeing what we have accomplished. This growth in our sense of self determines whether or not we have an “identity crisis.”
Are you always in search for a purpose in life?
Intimacy and Withdrawal
In early adulthood, we develop intimacy, which is a quality of an individual, and not the couple. The ability to develop and maintain a long-term relationship is an asset. However, many of us may experience difficulty in achieving closeness with others, or even maintaining a long-lasting relationship, resulting in inner loneliness that causes us to doubt even our own remarkable accomplishments in life.
Is your life worthwhile when it comes to relationships?
Compassion and Selfishness
In middle age, we become more connected to future generations, as evidenced by being parents, mentors, and supervisors. However, we may also become self-focusing, alienating ourselves from the next generation, and thus creating the “generation gap.”
Do you spend much time focusing on your own needs, instead of those of others?
Ego and Despair
In old age, by letting go of the ego, we accept both our successes and failures, and thus have a healthy perspective on life. However, we may also look back at our own past experiences and the world in general with disdain and regret, and thus we become despaired and unhappy.
Do you think you already have a fulfilled life?
If you wish to be a happier individual, learn to let go of all your attachments, which are the sources of human unhappiness. Human wisdom may not be adequate to help you let go of your attachments in the physical world; you also need spiritual wisdom With the spiritual wisdom from the Bible, you may be able to overcome the reluctance to let go of your attachments. Let go to let God in order to live your life
Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen LauInjustice and Spiritual Wisdom
INJUSTICE AND SPIRITUAL WISDOM
We are living in a world in which injustice and vengeance are
rampant. Many of us are in the midst of this storm of unfairness that causes our unhappiness and even makes us choose the wrong choices and decisions, resulting in our wrongdoings.
A Case in Point
In 1984, Archbishop
Valerian Trifa was deported from the
After World War II, the Nazi
supporter came to the
Later on, a dentist, who was
a Nazi survivor, recognized the Archbishop as the Nazi supporter. The case
against him was then pursued for more than a decade by survivors of the Nazi
years, Jewish organizations, journalists, and the Justice Department of
the
At first, the Archbishop
vehemently denied his former identity, despite some handwriting experts
confirming that his handwriting was identical with that in some of the
execution orders he had carried out while he was a Nazi supporter. As luck
would have it, with the advancement of forensic science, some experts could
incredibly still retrieve some DNA from those execution orders. That was his
undoing, and his final judgment.
The Archbishop was
ultimately ordered to leave the
Spiritual Wisdom
Do not avenge yourself; instead, leave it to the wrath of God,
which is a repayment to man for something
man has done wrong. Do not carry with you anger, bitterness, resentment,
and revenge—they only make you unhappy.
“Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
(Psalm 37: 1-4)
Bottom line: Be happy and not depressed because there is so much injustice
around.
FREEDOM with BONDAGE shows you how you can have your "freedom" and not your "bondage" if you follow the Holy Spirit, who is your Helper in your everyday choices and decisions.
Stephen
Lau
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